"Whether it is presidential elections or outcomes of boxing matches, America is not a country that likes waiting for anything any more. It is a land of one-punch, instant gratification, a culture that reveres the clarity of definition and feels uneasy in the presence of subtlety, a sporting environment in which they advertise a new American football video game with the slogan: "Kickimus, Maximus, Buttimus". Oliver Holt, The Times of London

That's us, ever lost in search of the clarity of definition: a parking space wide enough to open the door, a voice on the other end of the receiver as soon as we answer the phone. And, you know, we never get that clarity, not in life, only occasionally in golf, certainly not in golf balls.

Let me first take this opportunity to say that in breezing through the holiday catalogs, what a pleasure it is to not have even the slightest pang for anything in the bright and shiny pages. Nothing. Not the PGA Tour Den Caddie ($59), not the decorative Swinging Frog ($59), not the Tabletop Golf Cart Santa ($49), not even the autographed, framed Payne Stewart tribute ($1099) or Neoprene Pocket Goody Pouch ($8.99). Not even the SC Series Titanium Driver (Was $299 now $199.99). You can keep them all.

There was that page filled with balls, nine different strains of Titleists. This one is meant for those seeking "longer distance, wind penetrating ball flight and Tour-leading wound ball performance with shear and abrasion-resistant cover durability." Damn right. Sign me up, pard. But another delivers "Tour-level golf ball performance with long, two-piece driver and iron distance. . .with extremely soft feel [for] exceptional control on approach shots and around the green." Well, uh, yea, that's me too. In a nutshell. And then this one is for those "seeking game improvement . . .with extremely low driver and iron spin for long, straight, more accurate distance." Holy cow! For low driver, you say? Dude, no one hits them any lower than I do.

Does it make any difference, really? "Round" is the answer a friend and teaching pro responds with when asked for a recommendation. Clarity? Nothing more clear than a ball breaking the pane of a murky pond.

Gift advice is not something that comes easily, long schooled in the experience that no good deed goes unpunished. Of all the books I've reviewed to date, Why Golf? by Bob Cullen and The Hole is More than the Sum of the Putts, compiled by Colin James, were my personal favorites. The Hogan vs. Snead match from the Shell series is also quite wonderful, but like golf generally, you don't need my advice to pick a book (and the USGA disapproves of it). I hope you do, however, pick up a book, any book, and enjoy it as least as much as a set of Fur Knit Iron Covers ($19.99).

Yours in sneaky longness.

Swing Thoughts - Volume I
Swing Thoughts - Volume II
Swing Thoughts - Volume III
Swing Thoughts - Volume IV
Swing Thoughts - Volume V
Swing Thoughts - Volume VI