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Offbeat Golf
A Swingin' Guide to A Worldwide Obsession
by Bob Loeffelbein
Santa Monica Press, 1998
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This zany collection takes dead aim as it veers from the lunatic fringe deep into the second cut of madness. A Godsend for anyone laid up in bed for any length of time, or just us sorely in need of something to take their mind off personal humiliations, we're presented with mountains of splendorous diversions, all of them testament to the comical results when Man's penchant for perfection.
How else could anyone explain instruction aids seemingly inspired by the Inquisition? There's the HeadShrinker and, even more ominous, the sinister Crotch Hook. The wonder is that these are no longer on the market. Marvel over J.L. Mesple's 1929 drawing for his patent submission, beautifully enlarged, as are many of the fanciful illustrations and photographs. His "Mechanical Figure for Teaching Golf," a life-sized robot, No. 1,703,403, apparently never caught on but J.L. must've been quite a guy.
There are quizzes, sorry jokes, thought-provoking anecdotes (Billy Casper apparently thought washing his hands before a round sapped putting feel), and a wonderful chapter on trick-shot artists. Joe Kirkwood, you da man!
I'd been trying to find this book for several years. Considering the pile of allegedly humorous titles out there, a literary hanging lie if ever there was one, what a pleasure to run into a book that has to do nothing more to get a laugh than tell the truth.
Rating: Cat-Stroker * * *
Conversations with a dying man, a wry and engaging teacher who found golf a convenient vehicle. The advice is organized into short homilies that veer closer to Carlos Castaneda than Harvey Penick.
Those lubricated on golf snake oil will no doubt raise an eyebrow at the author's unfailing optimism and fundamental simplicity (they did as much with Harvey's notebook), but there's an undeniable sincerity and even poignance to Frank Lopez's outlook. Those willing to set aside their prejudices and take a leap of faith may find the results a very pleasant surprise, and not just with their golf.
This is the second volume, another thin paperback, (Golf is a Very Simple Game is the first) produced by a Toronto attorney, and once, it goes without saying, an avowed skeptic. The stilted computer generated illustrations are again a mild annoyance but those seeking a greater understanding and appreciation for the "game played behind the ears" will find Frank Lopez a telling and generous guide.
In a memorable lesson, he tells Juan Fine: "As you are playing the game, you can think about the shot, or you can think about the score. Thinking about the shot gives you the best opportunity to achieve a good score. Thinking about the score takes your mind off the shot, creates a continuous level of anxiety and is more likely to result in a psychological let down
if you have a bad hole."
"Thinking about the shot keeps you in the game, throughout the game, however long it happens to be that day."
Kind of makes a man think.
Rating: Cat-Stroker * * *
(See Author! Author! for an excerpt.)
His complicity in thwarting pro golf's desegregation aside, by all accounts Horton Smith was an exceptional putter. Grantland Rice had him in his top five, right behind Walter Travis, Jerry Travers, Jones and Hagen (the last two men contribute forewords). He won the first Masters and dozens of events, qualifying for the U.S. Open 22 times.
Originally published in 1961, somewhere along the line, the book's title lost its exclamation point. Perhaps it's apropos given the author's studious logic and gentlemanly presentation.
A pleasant blast from the past, the instruction aside, Smith includes some captivating stories. Al Watrous tells the sad tale of the 1932 P.G.A. Championship when he lost to Bobby Cruickshank 9 up with 13 to play, all because of a conceded six-footer - a moral that cannot be lost on anyone who reads it.
A photo showing the meaning of with and against the grain stopped me. So much has changed. Greens are now mowed to hundredths of inches. Putting strokes have necessarily evolved. No one putts with that old "pop" stroke anymore, even in the South. Rubbing his Bull's Eye against the grain, Smith demonstrates how far we've come. The point was recently brought home to me when I asked Billy Casper whether, if he were coming up today, his stroke would be different. He confirmed that it would.
Whether Smith's predilection for hitting putts with the right hand is still sound, or not, he does include many inventive practice ideas. He is also commendably explicit in communicating his techniques, particularly in reading greens, another example that sound golf instruction has a near timeless expiration date.
Rating: Cat-Stroker * * *
It must be torment for Ben Wright to watch golf on television. For the skilled announcer the game offers a wonderfully descriptive pallet, now mostly stampeded by statistics and graphics. Ever more noticeable in his absence, color commentary is now as flat as the fairways on golf's televised canvas.
A poor man's Longhurst, Wright learned early on from the master that in golf, on many levels, less is always more. Why the others don't get this remains subject for
a future X-Files.
His reporting eminence sadly wasted, we're offered a breezy annotated glossary. The trouble with these is always that there are terms that, for one reason or another, miss the mark. Some seem too familiar (inside the leather, sour grapes). They only take up space, while others (flatter father's handicap?) seem something of a stretch.
He takes time for gentle digs on tradition's behalf and generally educates in a non-threatening way. Anecdotes abound. Palmer and Watson have "grave diggers' arms;" in time, Payne Stewart and Ray Floyd matured, "shrinking from arrogance."
Some are clearly quaint and very British. Others exhausting. Whether any of these are still current across the Atlantic, like those period piece British comedies on PBS, one has to wonder. It seems unlikely, at any rate, that someone will break out anytime soon with "Dang, Joe, you and Billy Bob are now compelled perforce to accept defeat, eh?"
Never mind. Wright remains an engaging literary companion to chum about with.
Rating: Cat-Stroker * * *
Golf writers, frankly, are not especially newsworthy. They suffer from the same neuroses generally afflicting writers, and hold up no better under the strain of free travel, golf, hotels and meals than others. Fine company on occasion, they're not especially riveting subjects - periodic hi jinks aside.
The author, a keen observer and practitioner of the essay, capably walks us through these trips, standard in the golf travel game, that cause envy and bewilderment.
Everyone's much better served, however, when he throws his net wider. There are occasional sentences that harken back to smoking jacket days: "His amorous relations were a phenomenon none of us could quite fathom, but we all followed his indefatigable exercises with great once-removed admiration coated with puzzlement." Phew.
But it's events like a course opening with Greg Norman that provide sharper vicarious insights, which is after all, the beauty of an essay: painting us the picture.
"We were looking for the man behind the image and all we found was the image talking back at us," he concluded of the Shark. "There was more animation in his King Cobra television commercials. . . .He was a race horse, maybe a bit tired and trucked to pasture like an injured thoroughbred in lay-up, but hell, there was an Open race over there in San Francisco and now standing in its long summer shadow he smelled the action."
Rating: Cat-Stroker * * *
Light Reading - Edition I
Light Reading - Edition II
Light Reading - Edition III
Light Reading - Edition IV
Light Reading - Edition V
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