Royal and Ancient
by Curt Sampson

Par or no par, golf grades the golfer every time he plays. This has led to a form of mental illness peculiar to ardent golfers whose lone, terrifying symptom is the delusion that you are what you shoot. Who are those two guys at the bar? That's a 79 and an 81. Who's that self-crucifying pro hitting another hundred practice balls? That's Mr. 78 with a double bogey on eighteen. With his self-esteem tied to specific numbers between 59 to 72, how could the world-class golf professional shoot 85 without wanting to kill someone?

…What compares to an 89 by a world-class golfer? The prima ballerina slipping during the pas de deux like a fat man on an icy driveway? The pop music star forgetting the words to the national anthem before the big game?

Royal and Ancient by Curt Sampson, published by Villard Books, 2000. Reprinted without permission.

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